If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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