Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
