the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
Randomize
