I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
