If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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