I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
Randomize
