the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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