i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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