So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
