I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I made him laugh his dick is mine
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
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