i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
