just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
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