I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
