There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
