i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize