I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Randomize
