i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
