I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
