if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize