He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
