How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
