she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I think people are normalizing furries
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize