I want to walk on stilts...naked
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
