he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
