I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
