Grow some girl-balls and come out already
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
Randomize
