Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
I think i peed on brittanys purse
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
