Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Randomize
