I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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