she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
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