I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
