Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize