I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
Randomize
