you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
