Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize