Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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