So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Randomize
