Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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