How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I will pee on everything he values.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
