I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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