walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
