Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
