no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
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