Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
