She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Randomize