god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Randomize
