she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Let's paint friendship bongs
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
