she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I was just dry heaving outside of the Chem building when a guided tour walked by. Welcome to the Maritimes kids...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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