Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Randomize
