ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
My breasts were aching with rage.
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
