Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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