It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
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