im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
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