can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
