He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Randomize
