Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
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