Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
