Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
