you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
No subtext here. People are naked.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
