last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
True strength comes from lack of pants
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
