I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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