is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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