There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
