yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
