Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Randomize
