Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im about as happy as oj after his trial
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
My feet surprised me
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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