he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
