Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
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